Different

That feeling, the one where I've just realized I haven't been thinking about you. You, who left this jagged itchy pain filled scar right across my chest. I look back at myself and find, I've not let myself drift back to you. Remembering that I shouldn't let myself forget that you hurt me the way no one ever could. But that you taught me how it is to hurt so bad.

People look at me with pity, and confusion. Because they do not understand.. They never did.

How could they?

We never 'had' anything. We never 'had' what people are suppose to have. We never connected, we never felt. We never understood. It was all in my head.

Which is why no matter how I loved you, no matter how I liked you, I can never never forgive you. No matter who tells me to I cannot, you know why?

Because you don't want my forgiveness.

But who gives a fuck now? Not even I.

I found, someone, someone who is my friend, someone who is different, someone who gently places balm on my wound. I may not love him, but he is something to cover you. To place a shield against.

I don't even know why I write to you like this. You never cared, or acknowledged my feelings or heart.

Still, it makes me better. That I care, that I feel, unlike you.

Slowly, I hope you fall off the face of the earth.

What is it in here,

that you want so bad,

What is it you need,

is it on fire?!

Blow it up now,

destroy it now,

since you're so scared

of it getting out.

Creeeak

Sounds the step of your foot fall
on the old wooden floor
as you press your weight upon the wall
and brace yourself futhermore.

Breath puffed,
face panicked,
hands cuffed
to the chains that clinked.

Let the beat fall to the ground,
make the walls shake from the sound,
Let the wave take you through the halls,
of your absent minded thought balls.

Soar

feel yourself above the clouds
beyond the seas
across the grass lands
through the breezy air

What does it feel like?
away from the pain
away from the suffering
away from the abuse
away from everything

Does it feel
wonderful?
splendid?
unexplainable?
Amazing?
Everything you could have imagined
and more?

I hope for you
that it does.

I hope
that you soar.

Feeling

I pray to god
the one I believe is real
that one day
I would understand
the way I feel
the way I am
the way I live

I want to feel
the way I want to
feel.

the way I need to feel.

The way I wish I felt.

so please. God, I wish.

cry

I want
but cannot reach
I reach
but cannot touch
I touch
and everything crumbles

I want to cry
but cannot let the tears fall
I want to scream
but there is no soundproof room
I want to destroy
but not everything is breakable

I am stuck
and I hate it
I am caged
and I hate it
I am hollow
and I hate it
I hate.
I cry.

Does it help?

no.